Language Matters: “This is a Safe Space”
This guest article comes from Tigger MacGregor at the 4 Elements Company in Morecambe, Lancashire. We connected last year and I’d love you to join us for the inaugural Massage for Persons Living with Dementia course which the 4Elements Company are hosting. Now, on to the article…
The increased awareness and responsiveness to people’s different needs, and how to meet them, is brilliant. A world where people are given every opportunity to relax into the environment they’re in and be their best selves is a world I want to help thrive.
However. (Oh, you knew it was coming…)
The language we use matters. I don’t mean being the grammar police. Rather I’m talking about being truthful with our language, being clear. Using language which invites people to connect with their truth and respond accordingly. Language which does not define others.
Unlike “This is a Safe Space”
Safety means such different things for different people. How can anyone know what will be safe for me, today, at this moment? They can’t. I don’t necessarily know (ever had a complete curve-ball come out of nowhere and change everything? Exactly). The phrase “This is a Safe Space” on some level tells me that if I don’t find it safe there’s something wrong with me. That I’m not welcome. Which is the opposite of what I think is usually intended!
Just because you call it a Safe Space, does not inherently make it a Safe Space
Let me give you an example. I was at an event where the MC for the day declared “This is a Safe Space!” – and then immediately gave an instruction. It wasn’t an invitation – it was very close to a command. My reaction was to feel inherently UNsafe. How could I know if I could trust the MC meant what they said? If I couldn’t trust the MC, could I trust any of the event organisers? So begins the spiral.
“This is a Safe Space” can feel like a handy shorthand. But if we believe each person has their own power to experience the world uniquely it’s a statement we cannot know to be true – so why use it? All that said, however, I don’t want you to tell me this is a Safe Space:
I want you to show me
You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that something is safe – but if I don’t feel safe, it’s not safe to me.
As massage therapists we have a multitude of ways to signal safety to our clients. It starts with the basics: what could our initial interactions with our clients be communicating? I’m still amazed by the number of therapists who have a web presence which doesn’t share their full name clearly, or a clearly labelled photo of their face. You want me to pay you, a stranger, money to come to a strange place on my own, to take my clothes off and be really rather vulnerable – but you won’t give me your name? Maybe it works for some people, but it really doesn’t for me.
Sharing your identity, such a basic fundamental in building relationships, is one of hundreds if not thousands of opportunities we have to communicate who we are, how we work, and why clients might want to book in with us. Doing a “Safety and what might I be communicating” audit is something I’m fairly certain everyone could benefit from. But I’ve sidetracked myself somewhat.
It’s too easy to be lazy with our language. Our culture seems to encourage it (it’s much easier to hide things behind vague language). So my invitation to you is to consider your language and to aim to be as clear and accessible as you can be. For clarity, by “accessible” I mean aiming to speak the client’s language – and additionally, judging the situation: honesty doesn’t have to be brutal 😉
It ain’t easy, and it’s a journey of exploration I am 100% still right in the thick of. But I do believe it’s worth it – and that our clients deserve it.
By Tigger MacGregor, 4Elements Co-Founder and Director
Dive deeper into supporting your clients to feel as safe as possible on our Touch for Resilience and Therapeutic Clinical Communication Tools courses
