When words escape us …

Hello! Welcome to “When Words Escape Us” where we explore therapeutic touch and compassionate approaches for people living with dementia and their supporters.

Before I get into looking forward, I wanted to look back first. Sometimes it’s useful to see what we’ve achieved to plan where we are going next.

Looking Ahead …

Last November I had the great joy of providing a bespoke training day to NHS Health and Care Professionals in Kingswood, Bristol. What I loved hearing all day long, was how immediately participants could see how they would weave their therapeutic touch skills into their daily work and passing those new ways to connect on to carers in their communities, including in residential homes. What I find so exciting is that the team propose doing an evaluation on outcomes. They truly are pioneers using touch focused techniques to connect with people living with dementia and enabling their supporters to improve relationships, choice opportunities and wellbeing. Being able to communicate with a person on their terms and meeting their needs more fully is the crux of touch-based connection. I look forward to hearing about how it impacts their service. Here’s what Hannah Hathaway, a Senior Practitioner said about our day together: “We are looking forward to trying this new intervention … and connecting in a new way. I believe all people who come into contact with people living with dementia would benefit from this.”

And so to looking forward, I’ll be presenting at this year’s Cornwall Dementia Conference organised by Paul Cadger, The Dementia Education Lead for Kernow Health CIC. My working title at the moment is “Rediscovering Touch in Dementia Care”. I’ve so many ideas floating about in my head about what this may look like on the day, but one thing’s for sure, it’ll have something interactive and hopefully be thought-provoking too. It would be lovely to see you there. There are always interesting speakers who make me think about improvements in my approach. After all, we all teachers, we are all learners, always.

Boundaries

I’ve been reflecting on this subject a lot lately as those of you who follow me in the social realm will know. Our personal boundaries are something that change as we ourselves change, or as we bump up against things that prompt us to review how we protect ourselves. But what if our cognitive capacity starts to fluctuate, be compromised or diminish, how can our boundaries be protected then?

I feel they are very much rooted in our values and needs, and if those close to us know those values and needs, they may be able to advocate for us. However, not everyone may have an advocate, so those of us supporting people living with dementia need to exercise curiousity, finding out what matters to the person now and also historically.

One story shared with me by Ian Barr on social media recently, was particularly moving, about how sometimes boundaries have to be adjusted to be able to care for a person with compassion. Here’s what Ian said.

“I think back over the last 10 years supporting my wife and her journey with her mum through dementia. We decided that mum would come and live with us. We were in the fortunate position to be able to do this. It was her wish not to go into a care home. We had a great team around us, some funded by health, some funded privately. Thank you Nicolle Mitchell for your input and insight. I could tell when you had been, even if I didn’t know you had. Mum was so much more relaxed and supple, instead of anxious and constricted.

On the odd occasions I would have to provide the care for mum, including personal care. This was initially a challenge but being a nurse in my previous life I was able to put on my nursing hat and care for her in a way that a son in law would not normally be required to. In the beginning mum was clearly distressed by this. I was able to readjust my boundaries, but mum was not; initially. Eventually she appeared to trust me enough not to be distressed by this even to the point that she became soft and relaxed most of the time. She still shouted at me now and again. Her boundaries and mine were breached by necessity, but we found a new place of mutual boundaries.”

It’s a beautiful, respectful illustration that when we take time to create a context of safety for a person, trust will follow. It may not happen at first, or even every time, but with patience and by speaking the language of love with our whole being, we can enable the person we’re supporting to understand they are safe.

I’ll be sharing some thoughts and ideas including from colleagues in coming months. There might even be a blog or 2 in the offing, and most definitely a guest blog written by the very erudite Daithi who lives with dementia. So, watch this space or head over to my socials.

Meantime, you may wish to catch up on some of “Nicolle’s Reflections” here

Some Practical Tips On Boundaries for felt safety …

Here are some ways I check in with a person about where they are with boundaries in the moment:

1. Reach your hand out to your client, check their response. Are they offering their hand in return or do you need to do more to set a context of safety? What more do you need to do to enable them to trust you?

2. Introduce touch by degrees. I take my time before I even connect through touch to talk in soft, reassuring tones. Then I may connect through a person’s hand, touch their face in a nurturing way, or connect through their clothes/bedclothes/towel where I intend treating them. Check their response and then adjust your response to convey safety.

3. Massage one handed if needed to create a physical boundary with your stationary anchor hand. For instance, just above a person’s knee or at the top of their thigh so they can feel the physical barrier where touch stops. Sometimes, as the treatment progresses this can be adjusted to encompass more or less of the person’s leg, for example, depending on their feedback to you.

Training

I’m kicking off with group training in Bristol in March this year. If you’re a qualified/qualifying aromatherapist, you can also book on to the “Aromatherapy for Persons living with Dementia” course on the following day and save £50.

I am running more courses in Cornwall during 2026. I am also facilitating courses in Morecambe and Bristol outside of Cornwall. So, if you live in the north, including in bonnie Scotland you may find the Morecambe option more suitable. If you live in the south or in Wales, Bristol might be more viable. There are a range of dates to choose from throughout the year and are at different levels and of course I offer the following too:

-1 to 1 training in Cornwall at a mutually agreeable time – cost £350 per day

-Bespoke organisational training days, e.g. NHS, Adult Social Care, Voluntary Organisations – POA

-Your EMPOWER Hour – online consultations to help you build confidence in your practice

Book your slot here

What I’ve been reading …

“The words matter less than what we do with them.” Dr Lisa Cherry

Just as being dementia informed is never ticked and done, neither is being trauma informed. This may seem to go off the dementia piste, but actually the intersection of dementia and trauma is vital to understand people where they are in the moment and what they might need from us. I always come away with plenty to reflect on after reading Dr Lisa Cherry’s articles which you can find on Substack.

Her latest 3-part series explores the dilution of being trauma informed.

Part one uncovers the concerns

Part two looks at the why behind the dilution (probably no surprises here!)

Part three will look at “now what?”

So much of what Lisa covers overlaps with our approach to being dementia informed and she has a gift for funneling big concepts into no-nonsense applications, bringing them back to what matters. We all have a part to play here.

During my advanced course I introduce participants to how trauma can affect communication (often through behaviour and non-verbal presentations of distress) and what triggers may look like. How can our demeanour may set the tone for safety … or not? I like to keep abreast of what more I can add to make training days more meaningful and relevant for you, keeping safety and consent in mind every moment.

And if you like what you read by Lisa, she is also hosting a fab podcast at the moment delving into liminal spaces and what that may mean for her guests. I often wonder what liminal spaces look and feel like for a person living with dementia. So, on that tangential note I’ll leave you to check out Lisa’s thoughts here

Churrah for now …

No doubt 2026 will bring us all challenges as is the way of life. I hope you find the tools you need to traverse the bumpy bits a little more easily. If those bumps involve navigating your road through hands on approaches and compassionate communication, feel free to get in touch.

Warmest wishes, Nicolle 🧡

“When words escape us, touch says it all.”

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