Lasting Touches
“I have had you with me through those tougher moments as remembering our sessions continues to offer soothing and grounding.”
I often talk about anticipating a massage, how it changes our mindset, our chemistry, our biology and how it wires our brain. It’s a wonderful way to regulate our emotions. I equate it to looking forward to a holiday, anticipating going to a gig to see your favourite band or looking forward to golden time spent topping up your soul with a cherished friend but more calming, reassuring even. Every thought we have, every emotion evoked, changes our biology.
The effects of massage can start when we book in, creating the feel-goods long before our appointment as we keep in mind the relief we will feel as we start to decompress in anticipation of our treatment. Sometimes even the act of lying down ready to receive starts us shifting down through our gears as we open our hearts and bodies to the nurturing bliss a good massage brings.
For people living with dementia though, sometimes we need to support that anticipation so they too can experience the joy of looking forward to their therapy. Supporters of people living with dementia can provide regular reminders of a visit from their therapist, or a kindly reminder call from the therapist themselves can help stretch the feelgoodness (new word haha! 😁) beyond the treatment time itself and why wouldn’t we want that? It can help affect our emotional wellbeing and the behaviour we present which reflects our feelings and state of wellbeing.
It is well established that once the massage starts it only takes about 20seconds for the feel-goods to flood our bodies and induce calm and wellbeing brought about by the co-regulation of touch. We also know that the immediate benefits of the effects of massage can last minutes, hours and even weeks after the treatment has finished, especially if it has decreased tension which was causing pain or discomfort.
Here’s the thing though, massage can extend beyond the anticipation, the present experience and the immediate after-effects. In recent months, a client and I said goodbye marking an ending of our therapeutic relationship as they started a new chapter in another country via a stunning scenic route. I received a beautiful email update which included pictures of treasured moments with their loves. They fed back on how they coped with life’s inevitable challenges, “I have had you with me through those tougher moments as remembering our sessions continues to offer soothing and grounding”. Wow! These striking words illustrate the lasting impact that massage therapy can have.
This is continued rewiring, growth and healing. My client used the memory of our sessions to self-regulate, illustrating the huge power we can unlock by tapping into a place within where we felt safety, nurturance and acceptance.
Given my specialism, this raises a question for me, what about people living with dementia? How can we help them remember the safety, nurturance and acceptance felt within a treatment? Well, I think we talk about it regularly and recreate some of the aspects of holding that space physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally. How can we go about that? Here are some tips you can try:
-recreate the physical environment with the music, essential oils and lighting of the therapeutic space
-use some simple therapeutic touch techniques, with consent, that emulate the massage therapist’s techniques. If you don’t know, ask. Maybe you could sit in on a treatment with consent, to observe and mirror techniques, receiving guidance to build your confidence.
-ask the person’s therapist what language/vernacular, words or assurances they use during therapy. Do they use any cues, verbal techniques or visualisations they could share?
-are there any relational understandings or approaches that may help? For example, using acceptance and validation, deep listening and reflection, intensive interaction techniques, personalised ways of exercising compassionate curiousity, or empathising rather than sympathising? Click here for Brené Brown’s video on Empathy vs Sympathy It brings clarity and is an absolute hoot!
-use simple breathing techniques. I sometimes suggest a person places a hand on their heart and imagine breathing into their heart-space. Other times, I gently say, “breathe” and breathe alongside a person, matching my breath with theirs then gently slowing down to see if they follow.
-use a reassuring tone and your mid-range story telling voice to calm and regulate. Maybe use a simple visualisation to ground a person into the moment.
However you support a person living with dementia, the key is taking time to build a trusting relationship. You can help a person remember and anticipate as well as enjoy the moment, in turn enabling them to present their softer, trusting more vulnerable side, a side which sits not in fear and defensiveness, but in safety felt through the lasting touches of complete acceptance.