The Forgotten Language of Care: Touch
By Kirsty Cartin QN, Manager – Rashielee Care Home
Not long ago, I had a chat with a student nurse who was just finishing their placement in the care home. They told me that the most important thing they’d learned wasn’t a clinical skill—it was that sometimes, it’s okay to just be with someone. To sit beside them. Hold their hand. Offer a hug.
It had landed on them like this big revelation—and I was struck. Not by what they said, but by the fact that it had taken nearly three years of nurse training to realise something so… human.
After more than 20 years working in care homes, I can tell you this: touch becomes second nature. It’s not just something we do—it becomes a kind of language. A hand resting on a shoulder. A warm squeeze. A reassuring pat. These small gestures speak volumes. They say “You’re not alone.” They say “I see you.”
And yet, in the rush of our daily work, in all the focus on professional boundaries, the quiet power of touch often gets lost.
Touch is one of the very first senses we develop in the womb, and it’s often one of the last to remain as we near the end of life. It has the ability to calm, to ground, to reassure.
This is especially true for people living with dementia. As verbal communication fades, touch becomes even more important—it becomes a bridge. A way to say “I’m here” without needing words.
In Namaste care, a wonderful approach developed by Professor Joyce Simard, the idea of ‘loving touch’ is right at the heart of things. It’s all about connecting through the senses—especially when words are lost, because for someone living with advanced dementia, their world can often feel confusing or fragmented. A simple hug, holding someone’s hand, or gentle massage can offer comfort and connection in a way that words just can’t.
And there’s science behind it, too. We know that touch can lower stress hormones like cortisol and release oxytocin—that’s the “bonding” hormone that helps us feel safe and connected.
Of course, touch has to be used thoughtfully. Everyone’s different. Some people might have personal or cultural boundaries, or trauma that makes touch difficult. So, it’s important to tune in, watch how someone responds, ask for consent—verbally, or through observing their body language.
And let’s not overlook the everyday, practical touches either – helping someone get dressed, guiding them to their seat. These aren’t just tasks—they’re moments of presence, too.
Now imagine a world where you were deprived of touch. No handshakes. No high-fives. No hugs. No arm-in-arm walks with a friend. How would that feel?
The beauty of touch is that it doesn’t require special training. It’s something every caregiver already has available, at any time. A gentle pat, a held hand, a quiet moment of connection—it’s simple, but it can mean everything.
About Kirsty
A dedicated care home nurse and Queens Nurse, Kirsty manages Rashielee Care Home in Erskine—Scottish Care’s current Care Service of the Year. A passionate advocate for care home life, she champions excellence in elderly care through leadership, compassion, and unwavering commitment to her residents and team.