When words escape us … November 2024
Hello and welcome to “When Words Escape Us”.
You know, when I started this newsletter in September, I wondered if I’d be able to come up with content. It seems I have a lot to blether about. I hope you enjoy and get lots out of it.
Here’s wosson:
o Language of love
o #stuffoflife #2
o Upcoming courses
o Quick questions for you
o Pro Touch Awareness Month: Benefits of touch for the giver and Guest blog: Massage for Dementia: my personal journey
Language of love
I’ve seen a person towards the end of their journey with dementia pepper their remaining vocabulary with “love”, “lovely” and “thankyou”.
I’ve also heard someone who is not surrounded with the vocabulary of love. I’ve seen them shut down or go inwards, shutting themselves off from unwelcome words, clinical vernacular or dismissive tones. I’ve observed a person travel inwards abruptly or gradually, sometimes completely in an attempt to take themselves away from a lack of love. Goodness knows, I’ve done this myself when I’ve been in environments where I feel I am not warmly welcomed, or where I feel I don’t belong.
I’m sure we’re all familiar with Maya Angelou’s quote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Feelings and passions run deep, embedding themselves into the emotional parts of our brain whether they be feelings of love or hate, anger or peace, belonging or rejection.
Dr Jennifer Bute, a GP who developed dementia stated, “You may assume we do not remember, and often we don’t, but you can never be sure what we do remember – so please never tell us lies or insist we are wrong: it won’t help us!” (Dementia from the Inside). Such is the nature of dementia that different abilities and capacity can fluctuate from moment to moment. Add in extra cognitive load can such as tiredness, stress, lack of nourishing yourself on all levels or being pre-occupied and ability can be further impacted. The thing is we may never know how our words and tone register with a person living with dementia as they may not have the ability in that moment to show their reaction. Maybe a person will hold back responding with a reaction in an attempt to retain some control in their life or express their anger or frustration with you. This maybe a particularly easy go-to response if the person used to detach or dissociate as a means of coping with tricky relational dynamics in the past and if their attachment style was more avoidant or highly adaptive.
I would add that as well as not knowing what a person understands in any given moment, that we do not know how much they may hear. Sometimes some senses such as hearing become keener to make up for others that don’t work so well. The brain has an amazing ability to adapt, laying down new neural pathways whether we have dementia or not.
The need to create a sense of safety for others starts with our demeanour, our expression, our words. If a person feels safe, this may in turn reduce agitation which can also mean less medicating the ‘unwanted’ behaviour, which is after all communicating an unmet need or unexpressed feeling. It can make life easier for everyone.
So, let’s garnish our vernacular with amour, raise the temperature of our tone’s warmth and let our face and body language follow to speak the language of love fluently and congruently. This creates the magic of warmer interactions to open our hearts and smooth the way.
#stuffoflife #2
Last newsletter I mentioned my #stuffoflife media campaign which recently ended. It was all about encouraging us to think about the environment for a person living with dementia. Just as the language of love matters, so too the tone and vocabulary of environments matters. They can be clinical, cold, organised to predominantly suit the system or the staff, or they can be accented with familiar objects, items of meaning and engagement, creating touchpoints of connection and fostering belonging as well as a sense of comfort and cosiness or whatever home may feel like for a person.
Painting a physical picture with the wonderful stuff of life in all its glorious 3D loveliness can be part of enjoying sharing a person’s past or getting to know them better, cementing relationships. We can use our imagination to recreate a space that means something to a person living with dementia, giving us all touchpoints of connection to reminisce, prompt conversation and say, “you are home” without words.
If you missed my recent blog on this, here it is: Nicolle Mitchell explores dementia and wellbeing
Upcoming Courses
My group courses are over for 2024, but there are more dates planned for 2025 kicking off with:
Massaging Persons Living with Dementia – Friday 22nd February 2025 in Cornwall – all welcome from carers wishing to connect without words, to therapists wishing to specialise or refresh dementia aware approaches. There are limited spaces, so book early to guarantee your place. I’m also in Bristol on 13th March 2025:
Courses – Massage for Dementia
**NEW!** Aromatherapy for Persons Living with Dementia – 14th March in Bristol – for qualified or qualifying aromatherapists who wish to explore the art and science of using essential oils to improve health outcomes for people living with dementia. It’s going to be sharey, evidency, practical and fun! Book alongside the above 1-day course and save £50
Massaging Persons Living with Dementia – The Advanced Course – Saturday 17th and Sunday 18th May 2025in Cornwall – for qualifying or qualified bodyworkers this in depth 2-day course covers everything in the 1-day course plus more techniques across more of the body to massage a person in situ whether that be in the comfort of their armchair or their bed. We’ll explore even more communication approaches in greater depth to enhance communication and spend more time on the specialist touch therapy techniques to deepen your confidence.
***SPECIAL OFFER***
Remember, if you’ve been on my training before you can attend either the 1- or 2-day Massaging Persons Living with Dementia group courses for HALF PRICE to brush up or recap and contribute to your CPD learning points. Contact me for details and available dates: massage4dementia@gmail.com
Quick Questions For You
Could you spare a few moments help me with a few questions I have to help me tailor my service to meet your needs?
1. What type of training do you prefer?
a. Interactive online webinar
b. Face to Face
c. Pre-recorded modules
d. Other (please state) ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
2. What barriers do you experience to engage with the training type you prefer?
3. What could I do to help remove some of these barriers?
Please pop your responses to: massage4dementia@gmail.com
Thank you for your help.
Pro Touch Awareness Month
October was pro touch awareness month and the theme was “trust”. I’d like to give a huge heartfelt thank you and shout out to Lizzie Badger and her colleagues who all contributed to the most wonderful buzz of online engagement, discussion, support and generous sharing of knowledge about “#positive touch”. Do check out Lizzie’s website: Pro-Touch Movement – join thehands-on revolution. and her Facebook group: (1) National Massage Dayand Pro-Touch Awareness | Facebook It would be lovely if you could join us next October for the #handsonrevolution.
As a contribution for the month, I thought I would offer the flip side of the benefits of positive touch for the month. We all know how massage benefits the receiver, but what about the giver? Here are my October posts on the theme:
Benefits of touch for the giver #1
Having massage is wonderful! But what about the person giving a massage? One of the reasons I love my job is that I get a hit of the feel goods too! So can you when you give a person a nurturing touch experience, or even if you witness a physical exchange of affection. Just think about the last time you saw loved ones meet at a train station running into each other’s arms – witnessing people hug changes our biology positively.
Positive consensual touch releases oxytocin, our love trust and attachment hormone, in the bodies of the giver as well as the receiver.
Benefits of Touch for the Giver #2
Weaving nurturing touch throughout personal care routines can ease the strain emotionally and physically. A carer told me that a gentleman he supports who lives with dementia always feels reassured, calm and trusts his carers to attend to his personal care without resisting, saving their backs and lots of stress after his massage. The great thing is, just about everyone can learn some simple nurturing touch techniques to reassure the person they care for, building trust and taking the fear and fight out of a situation.
Benefits of Touch for the Giver #3
When we use focused therapeutic touch, we become more self-aware of the need to regulate ourselves to hold space safely, calming, breathing more deeply, clearing our minds and focusing on the present. These skills spill over into our personal lives helping improve relationships and our own wellbeing.
Benefits of touch for the giver #4
We can experience deep gratitude which is great for our health. It’s a privilege to have consent to place our hands on another’s body, especially when touch may have been difficult for them for any reason.
Benefits oftouch for the giver #5
We experience the positive loop of relational depth with the person we massage. This is underpinned by hormonal responses which improve attachment, trust and connection between us.
Benefits of touch for the giver #6
Giving massage isn’t just good for our mental health. Many bodyworkers who use their core to ground themselves moving with and around their client develop tone, stamina and physical fitness too. I love that with my more dynamic work, my job is my gym.
“Core ‘n’ floor lovelies!”
Benefits of touch for the giver #7
We can enjoy being creative, playing to develop new moves, flows, finding ways to weave #positivetouch into our lives that is fun, sensory and meaningful. Here I am getting my “Tah-dah!” on. (It’s where effleurage meets a gentle stretch.)
Benefits of touch for the giver #8
Touch can be truly difficult for some people, for example, may be due to sensory reasons, past negative experiences, abuse, or quite simply because we’re not feeling it.
I find that positive touch comes from a place where consent is sought, boundaries are clear and autonomy is honoured. In my experience, some great bodywork therapists have overcome touch issues through the healing journey of the safety found within positive touch and therapeutic environments. They’ve learned to trust others again, but also learned to trust their own boundary setting, listening to their own needs and through this becoming empowered, confident teachers and advocates.
Finally, Lizzie also asked me to guest blog for Pro Touch Awareness Month. So, I decided to cover the journey of positive touch that my mum and I shared prior to her developing dementia and through the course of the changes in our relationship as her dementia progressed. It’s a personal story reflecting on our ups and downs, how touch contributed towards the foundations of relationship as we experience it now through Mother’s Touch:
Massagefor Dementia – my personal journey
Sometimes, touch really does say it all. Here’s to joining the hands-on revolution, warmest wishes, Nicolle 🧡
#jointhehandsonrevolution